One of those days

It was one of those days today. Not sure if it was the unseasonably cold weather or something was just stuck in my craw. I was going to be miserable to be around today. With no gumption to be productive I decided to take my annoyance out on my dog Omie. Since she is often the cause of my grief, today I would be the cause of hers.

As you can plainly see, she is an easy target when she sleeps.

With the shovel so close I could have easily buried her body after a well placed shot to the back of her head with said shovel. Alas my moral self took over and I merely sprayed her with the hose and sent her scurrying into the house for cover.

Birds and the Bees

If you are looking for a sordid story of an anatomy lesson, you will soon be disappointed. Today while shoving a load of laundry into the drier, I heard an ominous buzzz floating through the back screen door. I did a double take with my ears and imagined an enormous wasp landing on the roof. Curious to find out if all the years of loud music had finally caught up with me, I went outside to investigate.
Standing on the back porch I saw a few thousand bees zig zagging across the backyard. I went a little closer but then a couple of the bees flew into my hair and got caught, so I retreated to a safer distance. After about ten to fifteen minutes the bees settled down on my neighbor's plum tree. The sight was pretty amazing a massive pulsing blob of wings, eyes and stingers. Eventually the weight of the bees broke the branch they had perched on and they lay on the ground for a while until they decided to swarm a couple of doors down to settle in a big red wood.
I must admit during all the confusion I almost drove to Orinda to buy a bee box and a bee keeping suit in order to tame the wild storm. Think of all the free honey not to mention the stinging welts. Oh well maybe next time.

All Things Chicken

First it was beer cans, now I cook with a brick. Butterfly chicken, smash it flat onto a sizzling fry pan and then add insult to injury by pinning the poor bird down with a brick. I am looking to cook my next chicken with an motorized leaf blower. Any Ideas?

Stuck In My Room

I am not sure what my problem is but when ever the cleaning lady(Jane) comes over I always hide in my bedroom upstairs with the dogs. Its not that she is mean in fact she is quite nice. The dogs need to be kept away from her because they can mess at about the same speed she cleans. When they are together it becomes this weird stalemate. A few hundred hairs fall off their bodies Jane breaks out the vacuum. Dirty paws scramble across the hard wood floors out comes the mop. You get the picture. I could just leave them locked in their crates and go watch some tv but it seems wrong, when a relative stranger is cleaning last nights marinara sauce spill at the stove. So here I sit waiting for the sounds of cleaning to end so I with the pooches can go nose around the down stairs and do what we do best.

What can't beer do?

Its official, beer can do most anything. Refreshing taste, smooth finish, and in its stale form it kills bugs. Shove it into the body cavity of a chicken, throw it into the bbq for an hour and the chicken falls off the bone in a flavor explosion. See the enclosed photo for proof. If you look closely at the photo you can see the chicken is perched atop the beer can on the cutting board.

pour something out for Sweetpea

After spending her life ripping up couches and crawling up sleeves. My beloved rat Sweetpea was put down a couple of days ago. Sweetpea grew up in my studio at Mills college where she had her first rat wheel and rat sized tankard of beer. When my time was up after two years she moved to my friend Ginelle's studio in the Headland's, where she lived until it got too cold and Ginelle's mother gave her a home in San Francisco. She recently became sick and Ginelle's mother took Sweetpea to the vet on several different occasions. After a brief stay in the ICU, Sweetpea was sent home for several more weeks of running around the house in San Francisco. Unfortunately her illness reoccurred and after all measures were taken and failed, Sweetpea was put to sleep. I did not know it was possible to become attached to a rat, but she had a wonderful playful personality that no one was able to resist. Sweetpea had many admirers for a rat and I am sure she will be missed. Sweet Pea was proceeded into the great beyond by her good friend Bun Bun who died last year

Bloogs

I have decided that instead of writing a blog, I am writing a bloog. It just kind of rolls of the tongue with less offense. Blog is like the sound of a projectile vomit. While bloog is more like a tasty Swedish dessert. Yummy.